My love of reading isn't the only thing I got from my Dad. He loved movies and television too, and if we weren't at the beach or reading, we'd be watching a film or some television series. As I got older, our tastes differed somewhat, but we spent many a weekend night (or winter's day) watching movies. My parents didn't care much for censorship, and if they deemed a film acceptable for my siblings and me to watch, they'd let us. Now, don't get me wrong, my parents weren't out there allowing me to watch Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom or Cannibal Holocaust, but by the age of twelve, I already knew about the senseless deaths caused by the Vietnam War. I learned this, not from history books but because my parents snuck me into a cinema to watch Milos Forman's Hair. Another vivid memory was watching Norman Jewison's anachronistic Jesus Christ Superstar. Back then, I didn't know what anachronism was, nor did I know about the true extent of the Vietnam War until I crossed a street in Los Angeles sometime during my thirties and walked past one of the many homeless Vietnam veterans, his dog tags as clearly visible as his destitution. I already knew (from a personal, lived experience) about the divisiveness of religion and the effects of segregation, but my education was only beginning. By fourteen, I knew all about The Chant of Jimmy Blacksmith, the 1978 Australian film that faced distribution issues in a South Africa still ruled by an apartheid government. God forbid the populace were spurred on by a movie with inherently anti-colonial themes. Films were like a school away from school, but in a much more fun way.
"When people ask me if I went to film school I tell them, 'no, I went to films'." (Quentin Tarantino)
I can't say that I knew I wanted to work in film and television at a young age because it didn't really seem like an option at the time, and it just wasn't where my mind was at back then. I'm not entirely sure where my mind was, to be honest, but by my early twenties, I was enrolled in a three-year Film and Television Diploma at a now-defunct film school in Cape Town, and thirty years later, I have spent virtually all of my career in the film and television industry. Had I known then what I know now, I wouldn't have gone to film school. None of what I learned during those three years has helped in my career. My passion for content would have been enough.
However, to get back to the point (and there is one), I won't be covering Wendy Suzuki's excellent book Healthy Brain, Happy Life this week. As remarkable as it is, I listened to a podcast earlier this week that I wanted to write about sooner rather than later.
Cinema Paradiso
What I've been trying to say in a very long-winded way is that film and television have had a massive impact on me, and I have consumed content across both mediums since childhood. In addition to that, I read endless amounts of film and television magazines, books and online posts, not only to keep my finger on the pulse of what is happening in the business but for pleasure too. This means that (aside from some of the new, up-and-coming stars around today), I have a fair idea of who is who in the entertainment industry. This week was the first time I formed an opinion of an actor without ever seeing anything he's appeared in, and it has nothing to do with his filmography.
First Impressions Last
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a massive fan of the hit '90s TV series The X-Files - it is my favourite show of all time. By extension, I admire the talent behind the show, and David Duchovny's podcast, Fail Better, has become a fixture of my weekly listening (if there's a new instalment available). The podcast is now also available on YouTube, and the episode I'm going to reference this week can be found at the Fail Better link above.
Given all of the film and television-related content that I access, I knew who Tom Pelphrey was because I'd seen social media posts from his fiancée, the actress Kaley Cuoco (likely most famous for her role as Penny on The Big Bang Theory). It's such a cliché to say that famous people are just like us. Very often, they're not because they live their seemingly perfect lives under a spotlight of adulation and criticism most of us will never know. Despite outwardly ideal lives, Shakespeare probably said it best when he wrote, "If you prick us, do we not bleed?" (The Merchant of Venice). When Duchovny asked Pelphrey how he coped with going from steadily working (on the soap opera Guiding Light) to having no work, he (partly) responded with (taken from the Fail Better transcript of the episode):
"I was increasingly struggling to have value, and I was struggling with addiction to alcohol, and obviously it gets worse. So, you know, towards the end, really in a dark place in terms of like self-worth and direction."
In what he calls a "paradigm shift", Pelphrey got sober, and the 1st of October will mark his 12th year being clean. Now, lots of celebrities have faced addiction. Some speak openly about it, while others become tabloid fodder for an audience that thrives on it. So, why this celebrity in particular? Why does his story resonate with me?
Firstly, he has the most infectious laugh. One of those deep-bellied chuckles that rattle, un-censored and so infectiously that they make you want to join in. Secondly, he didn't just get sober, he took his life beyond that and, of guilt and shame, he says:
"But those two things, and more like them, but like led to (sic) a very quick realization and then a conscious decision to pursue well-being. Like, I was like, I want to take care of this feeling and this human being, and work will be secondary... And, you know, maybe not coincidentally, I started working a lot."
Finding oneself unemployed is a very real problem for most of the world's population, and it definitely impacts one's mental health. Anxiety levels spike, and very often it leads to deep depression. It led Pelphrey to alcohol. What I love about the quote above is that he has nailed what's truly important in life. He's reminded the listener/reader of the Zen quote, "You can't pour from an empty cup." Focus on your wellbeing (mental and physical) first, and the rest will follow.
"To be reborn, you have to die."
At one point in his conversation on Fail Better, Tom Pelphrey says that:
"...what am I gonna do without the darkness and this addiction? How am I gonna be an actor without that?"
My self-help journey has, in part, been about shedding the old and finding the new. Dr Joe Dispenza writes and talks about reverting to old habits (especially bad ones) because they feel familiar. In some of us, myself included, there's a degree of comfort in that. I haven't had to overcome alcohol and drug addiction, but as recently as last week (and several times before), I have written about the addictions I do have. The, to all appearances, innocuous habits of overindulging - not only in food, but also in social media, unnecessary television, procrastination and negative self-talk. As hard as it is to fathom sometimes, this is the very thing that is going to propel me to something else. But the balance has to shift so that I am leaning more strongly into the things that are good for me. Of his recovery, Pelphrey says:
"You know, and then feeling good all of a sudden was all the sort of motivation I needed to just go seek out more understanding of what had happened and why I felt good now. And it was a ton of books. It was going to every Buddhist monastery in Manhattan to try and learn how to meditate... So, all things like that, it was building up this arsenal."
Meditation is another word for mindfulness. By this time in the podcast, individuals such as Gabor Maté, Bill Wilson (the creator of the 12-step program along with Dr Bob Smith) and Carl Jung were discussed. Eckhart Tolle would be mentioned soon after and in reference to The Power of Now (the actor credits Tolle's book for his sobriety).
I didn't know that Wilson and Jung had corresponded about the latter's foundational role in the AA movement. Their letters were compiled into a book called Carl Jung and Alcoholics Anonymous (Ian McCabe), which I can't wait to read when it arrives next month.
So, yes, I chose to deviate from my original plan for this week, but I wanted to write about this podcast while it was still fresh in my mind. I relied on the transcript for the quotes because, unless you have total recall, it's hard to remember everything said in a podcast. But it was less about remembering what was said and more about how it made me feel. This actor, with the infectious laugh, reminded me that we're not alone in our struggles - that so many people are charting the same course but on their own. Different but similar. I hope they're all building their arsenal too.
Random Quote
"The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving." (Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe).