I've read myriad articles and listened to several podcasts that mention the spike in mental health struggles during the COVID-19 pandemic. In 2022, the World Health Organization reported that the pandemic had triggered a 25% (global) increase in depression and anxiety, with women and young people hit hardest.
Conversely, I thrived during lockdown. I exercised and enjoyed the work-from-home experience. Dare I say it? I was happy! I've given this a lot of thought, and I think I know why this is.
"The Perks of Being A Wallflower"
I have friends - a couple of really good ones, too but I could never be described as a social butterfly. The only time I'll expose myself to a social situation is if:
I'm amongst people I'm most comfortable with (family and a couple of friends)
I've been forced to (or have a responsibility to)
I've had a (short-lived) moment of bravado, which invariably disintegrates into social awkwardness.
Stephen Chbosky's book The Perks of Being a Wallflower is brilliant, and the movie did it justice in my humble opinion. The book highlights the distinct advantages of being a wallflower. Although they might not be the centre of attention at social gatherings, wallflowers frequently notice details that others overlook. Charlie, for instance, possesses a deep understanding of people and undergoes significant emotional connections and growth due to his viewpoint. I can relate to some of this, but not the entirety of Charlie's experience. By the book's big reveal, Charlie can trace his mental health issues to a very specific, and very heartbreaking trauma. I can't, and I don't think I ever will. It just is.
I wrote a little about my shyness/awkwardness in my post covering Elizabeth Day's How To Fail. I mentioned how different I was to my siblings, who are able to socialise without any of the same hangups I have. Another clear memory I have is from when I was seven or eight years old. We had an event at school and we had to dress up as someone from another country/culture. My Mom had fashioned me a makeshift outfit for the day, and while I looked perfectly okay, I cowered behind my classmates. If the wall could swallow me, I would have let it. This is pretty much how I approach any social gathering as an adult - tentatively and with fingers and toes crossed.
"When You Want to Be Less Awkward Around People"
This is the title of Chapter 3 of Dr. Julie Smith's book, Open When... and, as much as it makes sense to me, I remain reticent about implementing any of what the author is suggesting. I covered her chapter, When Fear Shows Up in my post titled Shooting the Messenger and I'd sooner bungee jump than be in an awkward social environment, even though I know that much of it is self-inflicted. In a sub-chapter titled Challenge the Spotlight Effect, Dr. Smith writes the following:
"Something we all do is overestimate how much others are noticing us and scrutinizing or judging us negatively. Because we are the centre of our own world, we wrongly assume we are close to the centre of everyone else's. But the reality is that most people are cross-examining their own social performance, rather than ours."
As with her other chapters, and certainly in Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?, Dr. Julie Smith offers workable ways to overcome social anxiety. But, it's called self-help for a reason. The buck stops with me. The idiomatic ball is in my court. However, the question isn't if I want to be less awkward around people; it's whether I want to, and I'm not sure I do. Being socially awkward is pretty low on my list of things I'd like to get a hold on, so maybe I'll park this for a while and see how I do with the more pressing hurdles.
Excuse the short post. My mom was hospitalised with Influenza B this week, and I've caught the bug too.
Coming Up Next Week
Ethan Kross' Shift. I've started it and it's another goodie.
I love this xx